If you’re wondering why a divorce attorney would encourage people to save their marriage, it’s simple.
First, I don’t consider myself a divorce attorney.
I’ve seen how hard divorce is on my clients, and as someone who gets emotionally invested in the people I work for, I’ve seen the stress their situations can cause in my own life. I truly hate divorce, but I know that when people are going through what is undoubtedly the hardest event of their lives, they need someone who can guide them with compassion and understanding and help them to make it to the other side with as little scarring as possible. I do not consider myself a divorce attorney, but I believe that I have been called to help people going through divorce to bear that cross.
Second, I’m a hopeless romantic and wish that every marriage would last a lifetime.
As much as I hate divorce, I love marriage. I believe that each marriage is precipitated by great love and passion, and that if we can figure out how to keep that love and passion going, we will be happier and the world will be a better place. I would like nothing better than for all marriages to work out and for divorce to become a thing of the past. I’m confident that I could find success in another career if that were ever to happen, and I would be happy to do so.
WHY YOUR MARRIAGE IS WORTH SAVING
The Love Is Still There
It may not feel like there’s anything left. But you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have some hope in your heart that your marriage could be saved. Months, or years of arguing about nothing and drifting apart are making you question whether you did the right thing and make it hard to look back to when and why you got married in the first place. But that feeling doesn’t go away so easily. I’ve never had a client tell me that they have truly fallen out of love with their spouse. There may be twenty other reasons why they feel they need to get divorced, but inevitably it always comes out that the reason it is so hard is because they still have those feelings and wish that something could be done to salvage their marriage because they’re still in love with that person. And if there is still something there, then it’s worth it to try to bring that love back to the forefront of your marriage and lives.
Divorce Is Not a Quick Fix
Divorce is not an easy out. With few exceptions, you can’t hire a divorce attorney and file papers and get a Louisiana divorce quickly. The courts want people to stay married and to work on their marriage, so time delays have been put in place to ensure that ample opportunity is provided to do so. Even if your children are grown, or if you and your spouse never had any kids, it’s a 6 to 7 month process.
If you have minor children, you’re looking at about 14 months from the time you file for divorce until the time you are divorced. Issues arising with custody and property could drag out proceedings even longer. Divorce is emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially draining, and nothing about it is easy. If you know beforehand that divorce is likely to be the hardest thing you will ever go through, then it’s worth it to take at least one more shot, no matter how much work it may be, to save your marriage. You truly have nothing to lose.
Your Spouse Is Hurting, Too
It’s sometimes hard to grasp that as a husband, our number one task in life is to make sure our wives and children get into heaven. And as a wife, our number one task is to make sure our husbands and children get into heaven. In this age of instant information, it’s become so easy to ignore the negatives by clicking on a happy story or a video of kittens playing piano. We avoid things that make us uncomfortable. We ignore people who hurt our feelings. We assume that if someone says something negative toward us it’s out of hatred and we take that to heart and refuse to go back to them.
I’ve become a pro at giving the silent treatment when Michelle hurts my feelings. I can go for days, and sometimes I do before I realize that in doing this, I am creating destruction in our marriage. Michelle is hurting, too, but she’s not talking to me because she can sense that I am upset with her. It’s a horrible cycle that can only be stopped when one of us realizes that we chose this path…this marriage. Inevitably it clicks in my mind that I’m not doing my job as a husband, and that I have to be the one to break the silence and bring us back to where we need to be.
If you’re hurting, you can bet your spouse is hurting. Neither one of you may be good at communicating, so it will take some work, but once that silence is broken and you connect, amazing things will happen. If you’re both hurting, and that can be fixed through a little work (or maybe a whole lot of work), then it’s worth doing to save your marriage.
If you’ve made it to the end of this article, then you still have some hope. Use that hope and use prayer, and you’ll be surprised what you can overcome. Marriage is hard, but divorce is harder. If you work on marriage and are successful, then you’ve reconnected with someone who you truly love, and that’s what you got into this for in the first place. Good luck. I’ll be praying for you.
Written By: Sean Corcoran – Lake Charles, Louisiana Family Law Attorney